Three Conditions for Realizing Your True Self

The Three Conditions for Realizing Your True Self

Zen Master Mong Gong said there are three essential conditions for realizing your true self: a practicing place, a teacher, and a Dharma friend. First, I want to clarify that 'finding your true self' is not about searching outside yourself—your true self is already present in this moment. I do believe these three conditions are important for one’s practice.

1. A Practicing Place

Having a dedicated space for meditation is crucial, especially when starting out. It helps focus your meditation and reinforces the habit of practice. Many of us meditate at home, and I’m grateful to have a space in my own house. If you don’t have such a space, visiting a Zen center or even meditating in nature can provide the necessary environment for your practice. The key is to integrate this focus into everyday life, carrying meditation from moment to moment.

2. A Teacher: Necessary? No. Beneficial? Absolutely.

A teacher isn’t absolutely necessary, but having one can be incredibly helpful. When we begin meditating, we often have misconceptions about how to meditate, and a teacher can guide us away from common pitfalls. Also, during meditation, we encounter thoughts, feelings, and experiences that may be confusing or difficult. A teacher—who has likely been through similar experiences—can offer wisdom and insight to help us navigate through them.

Teachers can also challenge us. Sometimes they say or do things that trigger our attachments, revealing our inner struggles. This discomfort, while difficult, can help us digest our experiences which can turn into wisdom.

3. A Dharma Friend: The Most Important Condition

Zen Master Mong Gong once said that the influence of a Dharma friend is even stronger than a teacher’s guidance. Practicing with others can help spark inspiration and motivation to practice meditation. Many people find it difficult to practice alone. It’s like going to the gym—practicing with others often provides motivation and inspiration.

Dharma friends also help us see our own karma—acting as mirrors that reflect our mind back to us. We get to see very clearly our opinions, likes/dislikes, our strong ideas and beliefs. When meditating alone, we might not be aware of these things. For example, during a retreat, you may notice irritation when someone moves or breathes loudly. This awareness offers a choice: hold onto the frustration or let it go. Recognizing and letting go of these attachments is essential for cultivating wisdom and inner peace.

Everything Can Be Your Teacher

If we can really see our mind and karma clearly, and not hold onto them or push them away, then everything becomes our teacher. Animals become our teacher, nature becomes our teacher, the person cutting us off on the freeway becomes our teacher, the boss who is yelling at us at work becomes our teacher, our friend or family member at home who's not happy with us is our teacher. Everything becomes our teacher when we see things as they are, without adding our own narrative. This develops wisdom in our lives and it's wisdom we can share with this whole world.