Meditation And Anger: How To Practice With Anger

Question: I've been practicing Zen for several years, and recently, during meditation, I experienced intense anger. It seemed to come out of nowhere, and I found myself wondering: How do I practice with anger? Am I doing something wrong?

Jason: This is a great question, and I think it’s something all of us who practice meditation encounter at some point, regardless of how long they've been practicing. When I first started Zen, I heard a teaching from Zen Master Seung Sahn about the four types of anger, which helped me understand this emotion.

The Four Types of Anger

1. Attachment Anger
   This is anger we hold on to, sometimes for days, months, or even years. It’s the type of anger that causes the most harm because we feed it with energy, refusing to let it go, and we bring it upon ourselves and others. 

2. Reflective Anger
   This is anger that immediately reacts to a trigger, such as snapping at someone with words or actions.

3. Perceived Anger
   In this case, anger arises internally, but it doesn’t control our speech or actions. We feel it, but we don't act out on it.

4. Bodhisattva Anger
   This is anger used purposefully and skillfully to help a situation.

Initially, I thought these types of anger were linear stages: if I practiced enough, I could progress from attachment anger to Bodhisattva anger. But over time, I realized they’re not stages at all. They represent different relationships with anger, any of which can arise at any moment.

Practicing with Attachment Anger
Attachment anger is about holding on. The practice here is learning to let go, which is easier said than done. This is why meditation, retreats, and daily practice are essential—they train us to direct our energy toward the present moment instead of fueling thoughts and feelings.

A useful tool in Zen is inquiry. When anger arises, ask yourself:

• What is this anger?
• Where does it come from?
• Who is holding it?

Investigate deeply, and you’ll often find no solid answer. This questioning loosens anger’s grip, helping us let go. Letting go is not a one-time event; it’s a continuous practice of redirecting energy to the present moment.

Practicing with Reflective Anger
Reflective anger happens in the heat of the moment. Here’s an example from my life:

Recently, we celebrated my son’s birthday with a sleepover with a couple of his friends. After two nights of poor sleep, I was already irritable. Late that night, I heard loud noises coming from my son’s room, and instead of trying to remain calm, I eventually snapped. I banged on the wall, yelled at the kids, and ended up sleeping in the laundry room!

Afterwards I reflected: Was my response skillful? Not entirely. But Zen isn’t about being perfect—it’s about making the situation clear. The next morning, I apologized to my son, explaining that my lack of sleep made me react poorly. I reassured him that it wasn’t his fault and emphasized that I cared about him.

When dealing with reflective anger:

1. Breathe deeply. This helps calm the physical sensations of anger.
2. Avoid judgment. Don’t beat yourself up for losing your temper; instead, focus on making the situation clear later.
3. Communicate honestly. Clarify what happened and ensure others understand your intentions.

Practicing with Perceived Anger
Perceived anger arises internally without expressing it. For example, during meditation, you might feel anger coming up due to a past memory or thought.

The key practice here is to breathe. Breathe deeply, letting your belly expand on the inhale and contract on the exhale. Bring the energy down to your lower belly. This will bring clarity to your mind and body.

Again, you can also use questioning:

• Where does this anger come from?
• What is holding it?

This inquiry often leads to openness and understanding, helping to dissolve the anger or at least reduce its intensity.

Practicing with Bodhisattva Anger
Bodhisattva anger is anger used skillfully for the benefit of others. For example, when my son was two years old, he ran into the street as a car approached. I could perceive the anger appearing strongly, but it was clear and directed: “Myles, get out of the street!” My tone was sharp, but it came from a place of love. After that, he always looked both ways when approaching the street.

Anger isn’t inherently good or bad—it’s energy. If you can use it to help the situation, do so. If not, let it go by returning your focus to the present moment.

Final Thoughts
Practicing with anger is about cultivating clarity and skillful responses. Whether it’s attachment, reflective, perceived, or Bodhisattva anger, the key is to meet it with awareness and curiosity. Let go when needed, respond with clarity, and don’t judge yourself for your imperfections.

Zen is not about being perfect—it’s about being present, learning from each moment, and relating to our emotions with wisdom and compassion.