How To Avoid Negativity

Question: Recently, during my daily meditation, I’ve noticed a series of long, reflective experiences where every negative moment I've encountered resurfaces. It feels like my entire life up to this point has been an evolving show of suffering. This led me to wonder: how can I avoid projecting this negativity onto my family?

Jason: First, let’s talk about the two ways to approach meditation.

1. Escaping Life Through Meditation

Some people use meditation as a way to escape. They sit in silence hoping to avoid their daily struggles, seeking temporary relief. This is a common misconception—that meditation should make us feel better by escaping from the realities of life.

2. Embracing Life Through Meditation

The second approach, which I’ve found more helpful, is to be present with whatever arises during meditation—whether it’s thoughts, feelings, or memories. This means sitting with everything that appears, including our discomfort. By doing so, we cultivate wisdom and strengthen our ability to endure the uncomfortable aspects of life.

How to Approach Negative Experiences

The most important point about experiences is not to label them as either "negative" or "positive." These labels—good, bad, right, wrong—are constructs of our thinking mind. If we live in a world of opposites, it only results in dissatisfaction, which we then project onto those around us.

During meditation, instead of labeling, we observe everything as it is, without adding extra meaning. Right now, outside my window, there’s construction happening, cars driving by, people talking—it’s simply the truth. If I add my own narrative to these events, I’m only creating problems for myself.

Meditation Release

My teacher once shared a metaphor about acupuncture. When you receive acupuncture, sometimes you feel worse afterward because it releases stored tension. Meditation can function similarly. When we sit and allow things to arise, it’s common to experience unpleasant feelings, but it’s crucial not to cling to them or push them away. Instead, let them pass naturally, like clouds moving across the sky.

I lived in Seattle for a while, and sometimes the sky would be overcast for days or even months. What could I do? Nothing—just let it be. Eventually, the clouds would disappear, and the same applies to our thoughts and emotions in meditation. They come, they go. By not holding onto them, we release their grip on us.

Avoiding Negativity Toward Loved Ones

So, how do we avoid venting negativity on our loved ones? It's the same principle as in meditation. When negative thoughts or emotions arise, focus on the present moment and what your job is in this moment. In meditation, our job is simply to sit and observe. In daily life, when you’re with your family, focus on being with them fully. If you’re driving, focus on driving. If your mind wanders to negative thoughts, gently bring your attention back to what you’re doing right now.

There’s a teaching that says, “When eating, just eat. When driving, just drive. When talking, just talk. When sitting, just sit.” This practice applies not only to meditation but to every moment of our lives. By giving your full attention to what you’re doing, you can respond to the present with love and compassion instead of letting negativity control your actions.